Why am I here?
With all that’s been going on, my day at the agency couldn’t end sooner. Each day an actor calls and I immediately sense their frustration, then the calls pile up and so does the stress. Why am I here?
I got a call from a client, an older man who dreamt of being an actor, but his dream took a few “lovely detours,” as he helped raise a family. He asked me, “why am I here?” His past year had been endless auditions with a callback here and there, and the stock answer of, “that was really good. We’ll keep in touch.” Even though they never do.
When people I don’t know ask me for advice I deliver the typical “just keep at it, everything will be okay.” But he wasn’t buying it. Half the time I don’t buy it anymore either. I’ve become disillusioned by the stories of broken dreams, and this man was on the verge of joining that list.
I gave him the stock answers - take more classes, seek performance feedback, take new headshots - all things he’s heard many times. He said, “it’s something. To have dreams that you whole-heartedly think are possible to reach but reality sets in and they’re not. Are you where you want to be? What do you want to do?”
I told him about how I wanted to be a writer, how I wanted to produce movies, how I wanted to create something meaningful that someone will cherish. I told him how disillusioned I am, of my setbacks, and how recently I’ve lost hope in my own dreams. I asked him what drove him to pursue acting after all these years and he said, “my son.”
I shared with him all that’s been going on in my life, how helpless I feel being away from home while my dad is in the hospital. How I haven’t seen my family in a long time. I told him how all I really want is to make my family & friends proud - my dreams, my goals, I owe it to them. He told me, “it’s never too late. Setbacks shouldn’t bring you down.” And I said to him, “exactly. You got this.”
He has an audition tomorrow, I hope he gets it.
In a few hours I’ll be on the road. I can’t wait to see my dad and the rest of my family, even if it’s just for one day :)